Mary has started a "Weightloss Wednesday" and I thought I'd join in. However, I have sworn off diets and attempts to "lose weight". Its not that I'm at an ideal weight (I'm not) or that I'm healthy enough (I'm not), its that I do not have a healthy relationship with food and I have learned after many failed attempts that diets only perpetuate this unhealthy relationship. I had great success on Weight Watchers a few years ago and lost around 25 lbs. However, I became completely obsessed with my food. Every single bite I took I had to count points, then I had to recalculate to make sure I had enough points left for the rest of the day for what I had planned to eat. If I got hungry before I had a planned snack I had to figure out what I could eat, where the points were coming from, how to refinagle dinner to allow me to stay within my point range. Basically, I thought about food non stop ~ for someone with an already unhealthy relationship with food, this was a recipe for disaster. Needless to say, all of that weight (plus an extra 5) are back on.
I've been reading the book Intuitive Eating and its really helping me to recognize patterns, habits and other subconscious efforts of mine that sabotage my health. I have a long way to go, but I'm making it.
I'm making this effort not because I want to fit into a sexy dress, or because I have an idea of an arbitrary number on the scale that equals success. I'm doing it for purely selfish reasons ~ I want to see my boys get married (hell, I want to see my grandkids get married), I want to be able to run around with my grandkids just as easily as I run after my boys now. I want to take advantage of every possible minute I have on this earth to spend with Jason. I refuse to let my life get cut short because of decisions I'm making now. I don't want to just exist, I want to have FUN!